we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
