i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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