I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
