woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The adults are the big ones right?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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