Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
