Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
hotel room ftw
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
