fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
