I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
