these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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