In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize