Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
