you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
