I'm lost and stupid without you.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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