I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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