Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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