Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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