Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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