I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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