idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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