Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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