Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
