i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
3 2 1 whiskey
He? As in you personified your dick?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
