i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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