"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Are my feet made of real feet?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
