Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
