Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
