Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.