I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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