My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
