guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
