9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
