i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
