she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
