She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
