it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
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Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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