You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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