Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
