"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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