Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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