oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
