Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
