as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
