I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
