Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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