I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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