I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
