So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
