The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
