hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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