When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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