stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
did i just pee glitter
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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