what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize