and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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