The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
