his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
