He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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