so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
