This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
