i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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