Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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