I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
