never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
