Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
