My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
