im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
