My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
